On working with children

Whenever I used to see a kid crying on the streets or at a grocery store, I would think: “Gee, can’t the parents see their child is crying and he (or she) needs at least to be acknowledged?” I would think that it was another example of bad parenting. Simple as that.

Well, what did I know back then? I’m not a parent and I never had young relatives close enough to me to be a part of their upbringing. But now, having worked part-time for a year for the Child Development Center at SCC, the college as I am attending, I can say that I’ve learned one or two things about children.

I worked with four and five-year olds and I loved it. Of course that on my first day, well, at least on my first month, I had no idea what I was doing. Watching the other teachers and asking questions helped me to understand what I was supposed to do.

Humans are a smart species, despite of not looking like that in a lot of instances, and my proof to that is children. Children’s little brains are just developing, trying to create some logic from all 5 senses of input by translating those into I don’t like that, bad, good, not so good, let’s do it again, or I want more chocolate.

But that’s not being smart. Being smart comes from all the clever ways they try to get more of these sensations that make them feel more comfortable and satisfied, and the ways they try to avoid the other category. Of course that the most effective technique of doing both ways is the emotional: crying. I’m hungry, I need attention, I want that toy, I don’t like broccoli, and I want more chocolate are good examples of when they try to use that. If it works once, their little computer says: “let’s try again, if it works, it might be a pattern that always do.” That’s when parents get in trouble, because it’s usually easier to say yes than it is to say no.

With the kids in the day care, if they crossed their limits-and we reminded them of their limits everyday-we would tell them to sit in time-out (some people call it the naughty place). The ones that rarely get a time-out would often cry a little bit, worried that they were in trouble. The ones in the middle of the curve would slowly sit to the appointed place and wait patiently until we talk to them. The last group, including some kids that were in time-out at least once a day, would go only after complaining, appealing emotionally, making you run after them, or even kicking you in the shin. The important lesson I was learning was that they need authority. You have to let them know that they are not running the show.

Among other things, children need attention. The phrase I most heard at the day care was “Watch this” followed by a trick the kid had never tried before but acted like he or she invented it, such as jumping. Children need parent’s attention. I don’t care if your job sucks, or if you’re tired, or if you got tons of work to do at home: find time to spend with your kids, or else they’ll find the so needed attention elsewhere.

Children will push buttons; will learn what works and what doesn’t; will test the limits set to them to see if maybe this time is OK to put their hand on the hot stove. Some lessons are easily learnt while others that don’t have such a painful outcome require good parenting skills. Children need limits. And if parents don’t establish them, they will keep expanding theirs to every possible direction as they grow.

So, ask me again if I think parents ignoring their child’s cry are bad parents. Well, they could be. But if they acknowledged the fact already, and they’re trying to show their child that crying is not the solution for everything… that’s one more kid with a better chance in life.

You might be thinking that that’s easier said than done. Probably, let’s see what happens when my child is crying for a toy at a department store.